i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
