Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
