she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
