I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
