So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just google imaged poop.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
