We named our party play list daddy issues
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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