i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
