Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
