U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
