Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
