Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
