You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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