someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
