Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
