Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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