is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
