Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
