How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
