worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
