just tell him i said nine months
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
