I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
