The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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