I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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