Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
