he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
