I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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