Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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