I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
