You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
