batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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