woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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