remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
