i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
