I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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