Heybabeimwearingurpanties
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
