some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
