So drunk, too bad you don't want this
home. puking in laundry basket.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
