Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
