Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
