I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
