There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
