It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
