I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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