wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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