and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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