Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
