what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
