I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
