something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize