I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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