: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish I only lived at night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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